Prohibitions Relating to Speech

BE"H

This is the 5th installment in a series about improving our speech, l'ilui nishmat Saul Bruckner, a'h.

The following is taken from a recent Hakhel email:

D. In last week's Haftara, the Navi Hoshea (14:2,3), after urging us to do Teshuva (Shuva Yisroel!) immediately instructs us on how to do Teshuva with the words "Kechu Imachem Devorim Veshuvu El Hashem--take words with you and return to Hashem. We must take our words with us--we must realize (as the Vidui Booklet points out) that a GREAT NUMBER of the sins we mention in the Vidui of Yom Kippur have to do with misuse and abuse of that great power that distinguishes us from animal--our power of speech. The Chofetz Chaim teaches that if we are more circumspect with our speech, we can be free of the following Issurim:

1. Lashon Hora--brings many, many other aveiros along with it and can destroy relationships, families and lives
2. Rechilus--as above, and perhaps even more hurtful to the person
3. Sheker-while Hashem's seal is Emes!
4. Chanufa--including egging on...'you're right!'
5. Laitzanus--mockery, poking fun, ridicule
6. Ona'as Devorim--hurtful or insulting words
7. Halbanas Panim--one reader pointed out that embarrassing another in public causes one to forfeit his share in Olam Haba--and then asked if this is so --is this the greatest aveira--even greater than Chillul Hashem....
8. Divrei Ga'avah--words of arrogance--even though the sign of greatness is humility (Iggeres Haramban)
9. Divrei Machlokes--fighting, argumentative words
10. Divrei Ka'as --words of anger that you won't be able to take back.

Perhaps we can keep this list around near a place(s) where we can look at it before we are about to make a statement or comment, or have a conversation, that is not within our usual manner of speech. Remember the VERY FIRST words of instruction of the Navi--Kechu Imachem Devorim--VeShuvu el Hashem! May you hear your success--with your very own ears!

Please feel free to contact me with any questions and I can try to answer/clarify them as best as I can. If not I can attempt to refer you to an authority who can.

Thank you for reading,
Esther Asna

Last Notes on Korach and Avoiding Machloket

I know that I have been neglectful in actually writing anything myself lately - but personally I think we need to take the following lessons so graciously provided by the Hakhel people to heart. There is serious machloket going on in Eretz Yisrael now and we need to really work on unity. I enjoin everyone, including myself, to
][''try to daven for peace among the Jews as well as with other nations. We can also be involved in practical ways by taking baby steps to avoid machloket in our own lives. We can try to diffuse arguments and not take sides in disputes and use our speech in positive ways. A good start can be to study one of the Chofetz Chaim's books about guarding our speech. Every positive step should bring us one step closer to the geulah!

Special Note Three: Before taking leave of Parshas Korach, we provide the following insights:

a. The Pasuk states--"VaYakumu Lifnei Moshe--and the [rebellious ones] stood up before Moshe". Some explain that the Pasuk is telling us that they stood *before Moshe arrived* so that they would not have to show him the respect of standing upon his arrival. We derive two great lessons from this. First, in order to be in a machlokes with someone, you must strip away the respect that you [really do] owe him--otherwise you will not be able to remain in a Machlokes with someone to whom honor is really due. Husbands and wives, brothers and sisters, uncles and cousins, in-laws and out-laws take heart--the degree of machlokes will be inversely proportional to the honor given to the person with whom you may have grounds to disagree. Second, we see the importance of standing in front of one who deserves our respect--whether it be a parent, Rav, Rebbe, or elder--instead of avoiding, forgetting about or ignoring the issue--make it a point to make it a part of your life for all to learn from. if only they had stood for Moshe Rabbeinu...thousands upon thousands of lives--and all their future descendants would have been saved. No act of respect is too small...

b. In the monumental work The Laws of Interpersonal Relationships by Rabbi Avrohom Ehrman, Shlita (Artscroll, p.80), the following words are brought as Halacha LeMa'aseh: "Even if one side is absolutely right and the other is absolutely wrong, both sides are obligated to make every effort to seek peace. Even if those in the wrong willfully continue to antagonize others, the side in the right is still obligated to maintain efforts to make peace. Failing to do so violates the prohibition against upholding machlokes. The Torah describes how Moshe sent messengers to Dasan and Aviram to speak to them, and Chazal comment that had Moshe not done so, he would have been guilty of upholding machlokes." when it comes to avoiding machlokes there is literally an extra level of care--of what you would have otherwise considered to be a 'midas chassidus'--to be a part of the Halacha LeMa'aseh itself!